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IdiotDebate:What does the fox say?

From Nocyclopedia
“The fox is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma.”
– Winston Churchill on The fox and what it says

Background information

As we all know, animals make sounds. For instance, dogs go woof, cats go meow, birds go tweet, and mice go squeak. However, there is one sound that no one knows and on September 3, 2013, two young Norwegian men; Vegard and Bård Ylvisåker posed a very important and deeply philosophical question to the global community - what does the fox say? Since then, thousands of people have tried to resolve this question, from all walks of life, and today we've got two men who are on the hunt for the answer.

According to the research you've done, at the moment what do you believe the fox says?


Having hired a top team of experts who've helped me find this out, all of them, mind you, with alright qualifications and lower middle-class backgrounds, I'm pretty goddamn sure I know what the fox says. I myself have even gone out and listened intently at night in the Angelina forest in Texas and the sound from the foxes was not unlike the machine gun fire from the Korean War. Let me tell you, the first year of the war was a seesaw, in fact Seoul changed hands four times. The remaining two years of the war became a brutal bashing of both sides along a very heavily defended battle line, whose location changed slightly from month to month. The final cease-fire line showed no real gain for either side. During that time, machine guns were forever blazing, and to this very day I can still hear the noise of a machine gun pounding in my brain and when I hear the fox, it brings me back to the Korean War.


Bravo, what a lovely story! However, we're not here for your anal retentive memoirs or your false claims of what the fox says. It's all well and good hiring experts and "listening" really hard, but have you ever actually interviewed a fox? No? Well, I have. It was the most important moment in all my life, by a long way, and I can tell you it sounds nothing like a machine gun, but more like a panda with tuberculosis and whooping cough. Never have I heard a more magnificent, sublime noise! We had a great conversation, the fox and I, and talked about a grand range of subjects, from Autodidacticism to the Alliance for the Future of Kosovo and from Zweigelt grapes to Zoroastrianism. Or at least, I think we did. Yeah, we probably did. I'm sure of it. We must've. I don't really speak fox.

How do you think the results from your study will influence people?


Does that really matter? As long as I've got my paycheck in my pocket, I'm happy, so I really couldn't give two shits about how people will be influenced. If they are changed by my work, then that's wonderful, and if they become famous I'll take all the credit for it say I was their mentor or something, and if they aren't influenced by my study, there's not a whole lot I can do about that. What you have to understand is that I am a true American, and am trying to solve this country's problems, therefore, my research is not in the name of science, but in the name of the economy.


Unlike yourself, Mr. Money Loving Cracker-Ass Farmer Redneck, I do actually have passion. What you don't seem to understand is that this work could change the lives of everyone on this planet, not just ourselves and our country, but the entire world. This research is properly major, I mean if things go smoothly, we leading pioneers could be in books and films, educating everybody who wants to learn the answer to the question. In fact, if everything goes perfect, the human race might be able to develop Interstellar travel and Time travel because of the hard work on this project. Forget the fucking economy for one second and remember to take this seriously, for the seven billion lives on this planet are counting on us!

What do you say to the people who don't think your work is important?


The people who say that are probably right, so all I say to them is congratulations on being rational. I'm not saying it to annoy you, meth-head, but it's my honest opinion. I mean, "Time travel?" That's a little far fetched. Like I said, this study isn't important in scientific terms, nothing great will be achieved but I will be able to sleep easy knowing that I have contributed to making the economy better and satisfying college students who have nothing better to do than read my research and earn me a few extra bucks. Easy money compared to the hardships I went through in the war.


I say they can go fuck themselves! At the beginning of all this I was calm and harmonious but now this has gone too far! There are too many people out there like you: dumbass Republicans who only care about money! My psychiatrist told me not to do this and I should've listened to that sexy man, but this has gone way too far! How can people say that this is not important! Are they fucked in the head? Have they all had their brains blown up? ARE THEY ALL MEMBERS OF THE BUSH FAMILY? FUCK THIS-


Considering the lack of precision in our current scientific equipment and the difficulty of interviewing the fox, at first glance, it looks like this question will be unanswered for the years to come. However, I, myself, have spent decades solving this philosophical conundrum, running back and forth between the National British Museum and the Medici library in Florence. Having read over 3,000 scientific manuscripts and lost my job and three girlfriends, I am positive that I have at last found the answer to this riddle. Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding! is what it says! Ring-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-dingdingeringeding! Or on very special occasions, ding-ring-ding-ding-ring-deringedingering. Or on very very special occasions, even...

We are sorry to interrupt this special broadcast, but what the fox says is a rather touchy subject with multiple viewpoints, deeply intermixed with people's personal values. It seems better to leave this question open for now.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article very remotely related to What does the fox say?.
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